Being the New Girl

I am not used to being "The New Girl." Living in the same town my whole life, I was always at school with people I knew, from elementary school all the way up to high school graduation. Then I got a job at the same place my mother worked, went to college at the same small school as my sister, and upon graduating, went to live with my sister. What can I say? They make good decisions. Or I have issues getting out there on my own? Not the issue though.

The issue is that now I am working at a new place. The first few days I went to work, I felt like everyone was personally interviewing me, and oddly, almost all of them knew things about me already. Really, it felt a bit like vultures swooping down. So I thought maybe they'd talked about me amongst themselves, I mean, at least a little bit, but then I thought perhaps I was being paranoid or self centered. I found out tonight though, that out of all the people who work there right now, the newest one has been there 8 months. So they don't have a lot of new blood around. I remember there was always some excitement when there was going to be a new person in my class in elementary school. You know, I guess it was the excitement of meeting a new friend, or a new competitor, or a new friend for the bus ride home. And I suppose it isn't too different in the workplace. Anyway, my veteran coworkers are all totally in the swing of things, and they are two very tight knit crews: morning and night. Every time I ask a question of someone, I feel like nuisance, because it just disrupts their well-oiled machine.

What has been making this week, my fourth on the job, awkward is that at this point I don't feel that I need to ask very many questions. I'm pretty confident in the tasks that I'm completing on my own. BUT then someone walks over and tells me that I was misinformed, and I should do it their way. I understand that they have been doing it longer than I have, and they know the particulars. What works best. But please, I think it would be easiest for all of us to let me work out my own system. Yesterday I was doing one thing, and this guy came out of the back room to ask me if that was how I'd been told to do it. I said, "I think so..." He told me it just wasn't necessary, and after we discussed it a bit, he returned to the back room. I followed him a minute later to take some stuff back, and he and this girl were chuckling, as if he had shared his encounter with me, and both looked at me and stopped talking as I came through the door.

Aside from trying to learn the ropes, which takes concentration, I'm trying my best to be more outgoing or friendly. I don't think I generally give off an outgoing vibe, and have in fact been told that I initially seem unapproachable or do something to seem mean, or maybe superior. When I guess really I am just unsure where to begin or reluctant to impose myself on their social circle. At this job, they definitely hang out outside of work, and I think two of the guys went to high school together, and worked at the same movie theater. And while they're all very nice, I am kind of having a hard time telling whether they are being nice because we're working together, or whether they're being nice because they care.

There are myriad specific opportunities for awkwardness here, and I have experienced many over the course of my training. I'm sure I have not seen the last of them. But this entry ended up focusing on the overall feeling of awkwardness that comes with being new and navigating a new setting. For me, at least.