"Have a good one!"

For some reason, "Have a good one!" rubs me the wrong way, as goodbyes go. Have a good what?! It just sounds so vague, and cheesy, and insincere somehow. The problem, though, is that I hear myself saying this to customers every now and then. I know it's because several of my coworkers say it to everyone. And it rubs off on me. This has happened to me other times, and in different ways - pronouncing things the same way as my college roommate, picking up phrases, making the same faces that I see friends make day after day... I suppose it's just what happens when you spend a significant amount of time with a person, whether you want it to or not.

Only, I also find that I try to fit in with people I am spending a lot of time with. I don't really want to be "fitting in" if it means that I am trying to fit in with what they expect of me. For example: everyone else in the world! (or at least, everyone I work with) drinks. I will remind you that 90% of my coworkers are students at a large university in a fairly rural setting. Anyway, today at work there was a wine and cheese tasting, which brought up the topic of alcohol. A coworker was going on about how she wanted to buy some hard cider after work, and maybe she'd hit up the wine samples and pick up a bottle. Another coworker was telling me about the desire she had had all day to have some alcohol. I just sort of agreed with them, about how nice the hard cider sounded, or how yeah, that's strange, that desire you get to have a little drinky drink. But I don't drink, and I somehow felt like telling them this would make them think I was bizarre and unworthy as a friend. Hmmm.

Another situation which is strange, I think, and can be quite awkward if one is not well practiced, is small talk. I flipflop between hating small talk and wishing people could just make transactions without mentioning the weather, and appreciating the little things people can find in common with one another. But like these other "fitting-in" scenarios, I sometimes find myself conversing with strangers about something that I care very little about - - with great enthusiasm. The customer leaves, with a smile on his or her face, and I think to myself, "Where did all that come from?" Today I almost felt like I was watching myself interact with someone from outside my body, and hearing myself discuss topics I would normally never think of, and I wondered who exactly I was, and what exactly defines me.