The Museum

Jan de Bray's Banquet of Antony and Cleopatra (1669)
Last week I decided to take a trip to a smallish nearby art museum. The museum recently finished a 21.4 million dollar expansion, so I was excited to see the new digs. I went by alone because it was a spur of the moment outing, and there were few other visitors at the museum because it was a weekday, and close to closing time. The first room I went into was just me and the security officer, and it was making me nervous having him follow me around, with his earpiece and uniform and all.

I started to really think about the rules of the museum, since I knew people were watching. Was photography allowed? Could I talk on my phone? Could I text on my phone? Could I have a water bottle with me? I didn't want to do anything wrong! As I stood there in the middle of the room, I decided I wanted a photo and I was going to take it, so I waited until the guard was on the other side of a wall, and took out my camera. I turned it on and pressed the button. The flash went off. I use my flash only on the rarest of occasions, but in my hurry to take a picture without being seen, I didn't notice that my camera was on "scene" mode, doing its own thing. Anyway, the guard came out from around the corner, and informed me that I was not allowed to use my flash in the museum, and asked if I could delete the photo I had taken. I spluttered something about not intending to use the flash, feeling like a bad museum goer. I stayed in the room a while longer, and noticed that the guard did not take his eyes off me - - he did not go around any more corners or behind any walls.

When I went into the major visiting exhibit of Andy Warhol's work, I did not notice any signage to state that this room, unlike the others, prohibited photography. So I started through the room, snapping pictures of Jackie O. and Mao Zedong. Still the only person in the expansive room, I felt a little like I was being shadowed. I tried to take the photos when the guards' backs were turned, perhaps so I would seem as casual as possible. When I wasn't even taking a photo, a guard noticed the camera hanging from my wrist, and came to tell me I was not permitted to take photos, and could I please delete any photos I had taken of the exhibit. Eek!

I moved quickly around the rest of the room, and around the upper floor of the museum, until I heard the announcement that the museum would be closing in 15 minutes. I went down to the gift shop to find some postcards, when I saw one of the guards locking the door I had come in! So I quickly paid for the cards and walked, quite speedily, to the door as he was turn the locks. I guess I looked a little panicked because the man chuckled and said, "I wasn't gonna lock you in, don't worry." Clearly all (most) of the awkwardness was just in my imagination, but being the only focus for the guards' watches did not help. Either way, I felt a little more at ease as I stepped into my car and drove off into the sunset...

Obviously Antony and Cleopatra are the important characters here, but I was curious about this guy.

Do you drive a Saab?

"I sure do," I replied, thinking this was just another guy who wants my car.
"Did you see the I Spy in the paper?"
"No..."
Apparently, this guy that I work with put an I Spy into the local newspaper, spying me, before he started working at the store. He told me so tonight, only, he didn't tell me what it said. I kind of would like to know, but since it was several months ago, I obviously don't have a copy of that paper around. I guess he might have been waiting for a reply, because he said it was when he was just a customer, and then he got a job there, and he noticed I was still around. And then they ran the ad again, but blown up on the I Spy page, and he was like, thinking it was awkward if I saw it and knew it was a coworker.
He said it was something about a comment he made about the strange sound my register made, and I think I insulted him because I was so flustered, instead of acting cool and nonchalant.
I was like, "Yeah, I don't think I saw it, and plus, a lot of people say stuff about that sound anyway." And he said, "Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't think I was that special anyway." I just meant that if I had read the ad and thought it was directed to me, I wouldn't have known who the guy was, because the only distinguishing detail was that he was talking about the sound, and a million people do. But as I said it, it sounded more like he was just one of the many people who annoy me with their surprise at the banjo-like sound in the computer.
I don't know what the Saab had to do with it, though, or how he even knew that I had a Saab.

Smile! Jesus loves you.

Today, for the second time since I began working as a cashier, I received word from Jesus. Not directly, but from a Christian person who felt it necessary to come in and shop, watch me ring up and bag over $100 worth of groceries for them, pay with their AmEx, and then recommend that I accept Jesus into my life. The first woman I encountered handed me a card with the address of her church on it, and said, "I'd like to invite you to my church," as she was on her way out. Today, the woman stuck out her hand, saying, "This is for you," and gave me a tiny little pamphlet that assumes I am a sinner and tells me how I can turn things around for myself. I would never have the boldness to do this.


How can either of these women presume to know me? I don't feel like I can give an honest response to someone in this situation, because I am at work, and required to show my most friendly and people-pleasing attitude to everyone, regardless of how they act. How can they assume, even, that I am not Christian? Honestly, given the tattoo-faced, dreadlocked, pot smoking, scandalous-clothes-wearing coworkers I am surrounded by, it irks me even more that someone would waste their efforts on me! Both times, I restrained myself from saying, "Thank you," which is usually my immediate response when someone gives me something, and merely smiled and watched them leave. Because I am not thankful. These are the same women who take me for granted as I bag up their pretentious groceries and smile at me pitifully, as if I am doomed to be in this service position for the rest of my life. They have no idea what kind of morals I live my life by. They don't make conversation with me, because it's not worth it, and they don't care if or where I went to college or what else I have done or will do in my life. Unless it is to receive Jesus, and if their handing me a card can save my life, than they are glad to do that much for me. I know it's nothing personal. But shouldn't it be?

Stalker?

Am I the only one who looks at people's facebook photo albums, even if I might not know all of the people in the albums? Two of my coworker friends are like, bffs in real life, and therefore my facebook homepage is often scattered with announcements that the two of them have been tagged in a photo album by a third close friend of theirs. I mean, I guess the photos don't have the same meaning to me as photos of my own friends going around town and visiting fun places... but they are often nice photos. Like, composition wise and all. Especially because they are filled with photos of the great outdoors in full bloom - - spring! It's not just these two girls - I sometimes peruse albums of my friends' to catch up on what they are doing with their lives. But this is leading to a story I found quite funny, and could not really share with people for fear of being thought a stalker!

Yesterday while I was at work, I was talking to one of these girls, "A." A customer came up who "A" needed to help, so I started to help bag the customer's purchases, when another customer got in line. I looked up and started to say, "I can help you over on my line," but as I said it, I recognized the girl as "A's" friend. Recognized her from facebook, and here she was in person! The girl smiled and thanked me for offering, but said she was there to see "A." Before she even started talking, though, I nodded, because I knew she was there to see her friend, but it's not like I'd ever met her or seen her in the store before. To be fair, though, "A" and the other coworker friend talk about this other girl a lot, so recognizing her was just putting the face to a name. Except I'd already done that online. I just thought it was really bizarre, or backwards, to know who a person was, and to feel like I knew a little bit about her, all because I'd seen her online. Creepy.

"Have a good one!"

For some reason, "Have a good one!" rubs me the wrong way, as goodbyes go. Have a good what?! It just sounds so vague, and cheesy, and insincere somehow. The problem, though, is that I hear myself saying this to customers every now and then. I know it's because several of my coworkers say it to everyone. And it rubs off on me. This has happened to me other times, and in different ways - pronouncing things the same way as my college roommate, picking up phrases, making the same faces that I see friends make day after day... I suppose it's just what happens when you spend a significant amount of time with a person, whether you want it to or not.

Only, I also find that I try to fit in with people I am spending a lot of time with. I don't really want to be "fitting in" if it means that I am trying to fit in with what they expect of me. For example: everyone else in the world! (or at least, everyone I work with) drinks. I will remind you that 90% of my coworkers are students at a large university in a fairly rural setting. Anyway, today at work there was a wine and cheese tasting, which brought up the topic of alcohol. A coworker was going on about how she wanted to buy some hard cider after work, and maybe she'd hit up the wine samples and pick up a bottle. Another coworker was telling me about the desire she had had all day to have some alcohol. I just sort of agreed with them, about how nice the hard cider sounded, or how yeah, that's strange, that desire you get to have a little drinky drink. But I don't drink, and I somehow felt like telling them this would make them think I was bizarre and unworthy as a friend. Hmmm.

Another situation which is strange, I think, and can be quite awkward if one is not well practiced, is small talk. I flipflop between hating small talk and wishing people could just make transactions without mentioning the weather, and appreciating the little things people can find in common with one another. But like these other "fitting-in" scenarios, I sometimes find myself conversing with strangers about something that I care very little about - - with great enthusiasm. The customer leaves, with a smile on his or her face, and I think to myself, "Where did all that come from?" Today I almost felt like I was watching myself interact with someone from outside my body, and hearing myself discuss topics I would normally never think of, and I wondered who exactly I was, and what exactly defines me.

Promo

This morning I went into work, and my manager told me that instead of waiting til next week, she wanted to talk to me, "now."
So I went over to her little "office" which is really a desk behind a wall behind customer service behind the check out area of the store, so it's not very enclosed. She started off, "I know we talked about interviewing for the supervisor position, but I talked to my front end staff, and..." I immediately prepared myself to hear her say that they didn't think I was a good fit, or that they had chosen someone from outside the store, who would be a perfect supervisor. But she went on, "and we decided to hire you and your coworker the promotion, and give you each one of the nights to supervise, so that we will have more people to cover shifts if one of the other supervisors needs a vacation or the night off."
Nice!!! So, I get a promotion, and more money, and more responsibility, yay, and don't have to worry about competing with my coworker.
Except that a few hours later, I was standing at my register next to a girl who has worked at the store for almost a year, and who was complaining about needing her review. After which she would receive a small raise. Our boss had promised all week to do the review with her, and today is the end of the week. And she walked out, without even a mention of the review. Which pissed this girl off, understandably.
Thennn my fellow promotee came in on his day off to pick up a pay check and some food, and said to me, "Hey! Did you hear the news?? I even bought a bottle of wine to celebrate!" and then left.
So my register mate turned to me and asked what he was talking about, and I explained that the two of us were being trained to be supervisors. Her face changed from curious to cold and angry. She was like, "Really. That is surprising." I had someone at my register, so I turned to help them, and when I turned around again, she was still looking shocked, and told me just how surprising it was that they'd decided to promote the two of us, when we had both just started there. "Especially him!" she said. "He is so negative about getting things done at closing time! I can't believe they would do that..."
Clearly she was upset that she had never become a supervisor after all the time she has put in there, but what was I supposed to do? The job was posted on the board in the staff room for all to see, and all to apply for. If she didn't look at it, whose fault is that? Certainly not mine. I just stood there in front of her, unsure what I was supposed to say, and unclear whether she realized that she was making me feel bad for something I had been pretty pleased about. So instead of responding, I just... awkwardly walked down to the other side of the room and helped someone else bag up their stuff.

Inside Competition

Earlier this week, when I got to work, my boss told me to look at the posting for a job that she will be interviewing for this coming week. If I was interested, she told me, she would love to talk to me. Since I am already experienced with the goings on for the front of the store. It would be nice because a) it is a supervisor position, and the responsibility would make me feel better about working there, instead of just being a cashier, and b) it would be more money.
Anyway, I was pleased that she thought of me, and checked out the job description. Then my coworker, who is one of, I think, three of us who are not full time students at the University, saw our boss walk by and told her he'd read the posting, and would love to interview. And she was like, "Alight, cool. So I have both of you to look forward to for interviews." And he looked and me and sort of sized me up... like, "Oh, she's not going to just hand me this job?"
The next day, on a quiet moment, he asked me if I'd had any managerial experience, which would be a plus for the job. I said, "Hmmm, I don't know... why, have you?" Because I haven't, and I didn't want to tell him that. He has had one job that was being a manager, but I don't think it was at a very big operation, so... whatever. And I did end up telling him that I hadn't. And then he continued to try to discuss the job with me, and with another one of our supervisors, asking what she thought would be good traits to possess. I didn't really see the merit in talking about it with him, so I just kept making jokes about it. Like the fact that my supervisor and I were once again wearing the same colors on the same night being a qualification for the job. You know... being in sync with my peers.
Anyway... I would definitely like the job. But I don't know how the interview is going to go, and it would really be a bummer, and kind of a blow to my confidence if this guy ends up getting the job. Is it mean to hope that if I don't get it, than someone from outside the store will be hired?

On a side note, I have been looking up my coworkers on facebook. Most of them are in the same network as I am, so I can see their profiles. But I haven't friended any of them, even though I do like a lot of them, because I noticed that they aren't already friends with all our other coworkers. So maybe it's just not a thing they do. But, this one girl and I share a common friend, who I went to school with for one year, and this girl must know her from home/highschool. I would love to say, hey, do you know x? But then she would be confused as to why I was bringing it up... Is it awkward to stalk my coworkers? Oh well.

Secret Love Affair

I am not sure if this qualifies as totally awkward, but I found it amusing.
At work last week, I heard two of my coworkers discussing movie times, and I almost asked what movie they were going to see and jumping in on that conversation, but then it occurred to me that they may be discussing a date. And I wondered why exactly they were discussing plans for their first date at a register with a bunch of people milling around. Plus, the girl is a freshman of sophomore in college and the guy graduated last year or the year before. I guess that's not too much of a gap.
Anyway, the next night, I was working with the guy, and our supervisor was asking him if he could stay late. He was like, "Oh, no, you know usually, I would, but you know, tonight is just one of those nights I'd have to turn you down. I mean, I actually have plans tonight, so it just wouldn't work out. I'm sorry, but I can't help you out." He clearly was hoping our supervisor would ask what his plans were, and when she did, I discovered that the conversation I'd overheard was, in fact, about a date. But even though he went on for the rest of the night about his date, he wouldn't tell anyone who it was with! But I knew!!! So I thought that was funny.
A few days later, I was working with the girl, and the guy came in for his shift, and neither of them seemed sure how to act around each other, even though they had been pretty chatty in the past... Today, for example, the only register open when the girl got to work was the one right next to the guy, and they hardly talked at all as they stood there.
I suppose it doesn't really mean the date went poorly, though. It could simply be that they don't want people to know they are dating? Or, they don't know how to go back to being coworkers, cashier/bagger, now that they have so much more? Hahahaha. Who knows! But so it's a little bit awkward, but not so much for me. Just that I heard the initial plans for the date, and I feel like no one else knows about it, so I am in on a secret...

Crossing the Border

I live about an hour away from the Canadian Border. Two friends recently came to visit me and had never been to Canada, so we took a day trip up. I warned them in advance that they'd need their passports.
Even though I've driven across the border 3 other times, I still get a little anxious when I drive up to the stop signs and little booths. Which makes for an awkward encounter with the Border Patrol person on duty... because I am really not a suspicious person. I try to be extra friendly and enthusiastic about my trip.
But I always forget the right response to "What is the purpose of your visit?" Tourism. Entertainment. Fun. Do those sound right? I list several of these, and mumble a few more until they ask how long I will be in the country. On the most recent trip, I said, "Just today." That was easy. What a relief. Then they hit me with the hard one! "Where are you from?" Now, my passport and license say one state. I went to school in another state, and I constantly forget I am no longer there, and I recently moved to a third state. So each of these is on the tip of my tongue, until I remember that it would be good to state the same thing that's on the document they are looking at. Then I remember that I'm not alone in the car, and my two passengers are from yet another state, so I have to specify who is from where. And like that, it's over!
I obviously built it up to be a bigger deal than it was. But I forget this as soon as I try to go from miles per hour to kilometers per hour, and when I return to the border going back into the US. The same thing happens. Except that this time there's new questions to throw me off, like, "What do you have in the car that you didn't have when you went into Canada?" The answer is, "Nothing," but it would be nice if they could phrase it differently. Maybe, "Do you have anything..." Because saying, "What do you have" makes me think they know something I don't know about the contents of my car. Anyway, then it's smooth sailing back on the roads of the good ol' US of A, and I can finally relax.

Happy Valentine's Day

Yesterday, which was my second full shift at work, I went on my first break! The staff room is nice, and I feel very cool when I punch in the secret code on the keypad to get into the room. Very exclusive. There's always people in the room, so I wasn't too sure how to go about my break. Do I introduce myself to the people, even though they are studying their papers and eating their food? And even though I may have met them already and just don't remember? Or do I sit down, pretend to be deep in the Arts section of the weekly paper? I went for the second option. Personally, when I am on break, I usually like to have some quiet, because that's what a break is for. To relax.
As I sat there, the three men who were eating were joking around with each other, but none of them said much to me, so I figured my choice had been just fine. Then a man came in who I think has Down syndrome, and works there every week or so. He had an aid with him, and I wasn't paying attention until the guys who were at the table with me starting talking to him. They were pretty familiar with each other, it seemed, and kept making jokes with each other back and forth. Then this man saw the Valentine's Day ad in the paper I was reading, and starting talking about Valentine's Day. Then, as I sat there continuing to read my paper, not particularly finding all of the guys' jokes very funny, this guy leaned over and kissed me! Saying, "She's my Valentine." Okay, he kissed my cheek, but all of the guys around the table thought it was absolutely hysterical. I'm not really sure what my face said, but I said, "Do you even know my name?" Which, judging by their laughter, they also thought was pretty funny. Maybe partly because none of them knew my name, and they knew it was my first day there. I told the man, and therefore the rest of them, and conversation continued.
After they joked around some more about this or that, the guy across from me made sure that I wasn't offended or embarrassed. Which I wasn't, and I told him I was simply surprised. Considering I didn't even see that he had been standing behind me. It occurred to me that instead of laughing at the new girl, which is really what they were doing, it would have been nice for one of them to make sure I was not offended in the first place. Or maybe at least introduced themselves to me, since I had proven myself to be a good sport. However, the rest of the break was finished in near silence on my part, as these men discussed their mutual love for vehicles with four-wheel drive.

First Day on the Job

Yesterday I went in to my new place of employment for a couple hours of training on the cash register. The girl who I trained with seemed nice, but very, very bored. Either to be training me, or to be working at the store, I wasn't really sure. One of the first customers we rang-up was an acquaintance of hers, and they had quite the conversation, which ended in my trainer telling the woman how ready she was to be "out of here." That's all well and good - she has every right to be bored of being a cashier. It is monotonous. But as a brand new employee, it's not something I really loved hearing... not very encouraging. But fine.
Then, as we walked around the store for an extensive tour (which may not sound necessary, but I assure you it was. This store is laid out in the most bizarre fashion. Today a customer was hanging around check-out waiting for his wife to show up, because he had lost her and was sure he would never find her if he went back into the aisles), we met up with countless members of the staff, whose names I forgot almost as soon as they spoke them. This girl stopped and had little chats with all of these people, and I stood there, feeling useless and... awkward. It wasn't as if I could go back to my register, because this was supposed to be my orientation for the job.
One of the girls we passed on our tour was obviously a friend of hers, and was keeping some secret about "what happened last night," which my trainer was apparently so desperate to hear that she had to get it out of her right then and there. Although just as apparent was the fact that this girl did not want to share this information with me, and so I slowly backed away and looked very interested in the assortment of cheeses behind me, mumbling something or other. Another guy she saw from across the produce section was a break-buddy, and she called out, "What time are we breaking?!" To which he replied, "The usual time." So did she really need to ask?
Which made me realize that perhaps all of these chats with friends were not exactly necessary, unavoidable parts of our tour (I had already begin to suspect), but opportunities for the girl to prove to me how popular she is there. Every time we came across someone, they looked at the two of us and I saw it dawn on their faces that I was the new girl, and I wondered what exactly that meant to them. Am I to be a burden, as I felt on this tour? Someone who asks annoying questions, and makes even worse mistakes? Or is it exciting to see that someone new is stepping in to help carry the busy workload, and maybe even be a new friend? I suppose they, and I, will have to wait and see.

Look-Alikes

I share an apartment with my sister and her boyfriend. This is not the awkward story, just a little bit of background. Throughout my childhood, no one ever (to my knowledge) would have believed that my sister and I were twins. Because we aren't. We're two years apart and... we look different. Her hair is darker, her face is a different shape, she is taller, etc... The only thing that people remarked upon were our big blue eyes, which told people we must be sisters. I remember my bus driver commenting on this very thing.
However, in recent years, and when we went to school together, we must have grown to look more and more alike. My sister's friends would sometimes start talking to me, believing I was their good friend, and my own friends did the same when they saw her around campus. It's one thing when a stranger thinks we look like twins - - they aren't looking at our faces day after day, so maybe they don't see the more subtle differences. But when our close friends began to confuse us?? It took me a while to get used to the idea that we look alike (at least to other people). For a while, though, if I saw one of her friends from a distance, I tried to avoid an encounter with them, I guess to spare them any confusion. That got a bit awkward.
Now to the current day: my sister has lived in this apartment for two and a half years, while I have only been here for 4 months. A few days ago, it snowed overnight and our town established an overnight parking ban for the roads. This meant that one of our downstairs neighbors, who owns an oversized pick up, decided not to move his truck to one of the town's parking garages as he was supposed to, but instead decided to put it in the parking lot behind our apartment. Each apartment in our building has one spot back there, and this neighbor's spot is taken by his other, smaller, car. Therefore, this man chose to park his car in the middle of our small lot, parking in 4 other vehicles, including my sister's boyfriend. The two of them leave for work every day at 7am, and this day was no exception. Except that when they got outside to the car, they found themselves blocked by this stupid truck.
At that point, it was too late to knock on the man's door, wake him up, and ask him to move his car, because it would have taken a lot of work to brush the snow of his car and maneuver the vehicles back there. So my roomies had to walk 40 minutes in the snow to work, where they arrived later than they needed to. I was appalled when I learned of this behavior, because it is just so un-neighborly to assume that your needs are a higher priority than others! Not only did he park in all of these people, but I myself had to move my car to a parking garage because we only have the one spot in back of our building, which took time and money. Why should this man get to park for free right behind his house if I can't?
Anyway, my sister called our landlord, who sorted things out by calling our neighbors up and asking what the situation was. I guess he figured that it wouldn't matter to anyone if he parked there, because there was so much snow that no one would be able to get out anyway. (Might I add that he is the person in charge of snowblowing the parking lot? Why wouldn't he snowblow so that people could get out instead of decreasing their chances even further by putting his truck there?)
So I guess the man and his wife felt bad by their behavior and wanted to apologize. I myself was home that day, and when I went out for a bit, I saw the woman outside the building. I was on the phone, but I said good morning to her as I passed by. She tried to say something to me, but I figured it was just "Hello." However, later that night, my sister got a call from our landlord so he could explain what the neighbors had told him. He also said, "The woman saw you this morning and tried to apologize/explain to you, but you just walked right by her. What's that about?" And my sister had no idea.
I had a good idea what it was about, though. She mistook me for my sister, who she was surprised to see after the landlord told her that she and her boyfriend both had to walk to work after being parked in. When I walked past her, ignoring her attempt to apologize, I am sure she thought that my sister was more upset than she actually was. Oops. She probably had no idea that they even had a third roommate, and if she did, she certainly did not know that it was a look-alike sister.

Healthy Markets

So I've been looking for a job for quite some time, which proved to be a very difficult endeavor in this city, even with my degree in sociology! Yes, I am being sarcastic, yes, I know, what did I expect to do with sociology? Anyway, finally, a light appeared at the end of this 22 week tunnel. I applied at a newly opened health food store, on the off chance that any positions opened up. It is not my usual store however. I prefer the natural foods co-op that is a 2 minute walk from my apartment, and seems to have lower prices and better sales. Though this new store is a 5/10 minute drive, it is bigger and cleaner and brighter, less crowded, and the staff seems far friendlier there. Anyway, when I dropped off my application, they told me there was, in fact, a cashier position, and asked if I would be interested. Most of the jobs I have applied at thus far have made a little more use of my degree, but this would at least be some customer service and cash-handling experience. And most importantly: income!!! (Though a bit meager.) So I went for a brief interview yesterday (another sociology major, now the front-end manager of this store interviewed me), and today, got a call back to cement the deal.
Which brings me to the awkward situation, though it is not too painful, merely ironic (coincidental?) and funny. I was at my co-op to pick up a few items for making sticky buns, and as I stood there, my phone rang. It was the front-end manager of the competition! I tried to find a quiet area in the store to talk, so that no one at the co-op would notice that I was being hired at the other store, and so that the woman on the phone wouldn't hear anything that would give away my betrayal of my new employer. Hahaha. I realize that this awkwardness was only apparent to me - - nothing either side could have heard would really have mattered - - but I was worried for a slight moment that if the manager heard a something like "organic Blue Sky soda" or "Kiss My Face lotion," she may have decided to go with an interviewee who was more dedicated to the store they were applying at.

The First Post

I've been wanting to create a blog in order to share my own awkward moments with people, and for other people to share their stories (or their friends') with me.
I have had my share of awkward experiences, but after a few moments of initial embarrassment, I usually appreciate the humor of the situations. I share with my friends, and they repay me with anecdotes of times in which they lacked social graces.
What defines a moment as awkward? I think it is based on the norms set by society, and when someone breaks these expectations, the awkward-ness appears. So why do so many people experience this? Is it because they briefly forget (or never knew) the norms and act on impulse? Or do they choose awkwardness above normalcy because they want to be different? Obviously every story is different, so perhaps it is a combination of these things... I don't know. But I would like to hear your stories.